Having a great pastor’s wife is such a blessing! Truth be told, no two are alike. Throughout our years serving the Lord, I can honestly say pastor’s wives differ greatly from one church to another. God uses many different people to do His work, praise the Lord! So how can you be a blessing to your pastor’s wife if there all so different? I am so glad you asked. Here are 20+ ways to be a blessing to your pastor’s wife.
- Pray for her.
- One of simplest, yet most important things we can do for our pastor’s wives is to pray for them. Prayer is essential, beautiful and a sincere form of friendship to your pastor’s wife. If you choose to tell her, it will mean the world to her.
- Give her grace.
- Your pastor’s wife is human. Although many pastor’s wives get placed on a “platform” never asked, it’s often forgotten that they are perhaps amazing women, but still natural born sinners. Many trying to honestly navigate the waters of being a pastor’s wife the best they can and are bound to make mistakes along the way. Grace goes a long way.
- Celebrate and accept who she was designed to be.
- Everything was created in God’s image and beautifully created. I am so glad everyone is different. How boring life would be if everyone was the same. Pastor’s wives are no exception. As I tell my children if you feel a bit ‘weird’, just own it. People will judge you anyways, be different. The world needs different. Celebrate and/or accept who your pastor’s wife is. Maybe she really likes coffee, or turtles, or even collects stamps; 😉 however she is intricately weaved, is between her and her Lord. Get to know her. Underneath all that is a beautiful soul that loves the same God you do! Enjoy!!!
- Introduce her by her name, not the pastor’s wife.
- Have you ever been in a huge crowd and nobody knew your name? Okay, now everyone is introducing you as so and so’s guest, but never says your name. Weird right? Oddly, extend it a bit further and you are only known as a certain “name” but it’s not your name. LOL. Just say and introduce her by her name please. Thank you.
- Listen to her & Respect Her.
- We ask our kids to be friends with everyone, but do we? I’m not saying this has to be like the BFF, us four and no more club, just be a friend. If she says something, listen and respect her words. You don’t have to hang out all the time or share all those “things”, just be respectful, attentive and kind.
- Be her friend.
- By listening or taking a few extra moments you may find your pastor’s wife is pretty amazing. So be her friend. Being a pastor’s wife can be very lonely. A true friend is truly appreciated by all pastor’s wives.
- Respect her time and their family time.
- Time in the ministry is already limited, family time is treasured.
- Love her children.
- Pastor’s wives love their families. As you take the time to know your pastor’s wife, do not leave out the children. In fact, that speaks loudly to the pastor’s family. Pastor’s kids are often over looked, demanded of chores or expectations, criticized or nitpicked. When someone comes along and honestly looks to bless their children, it means the world to the pastor’s wife. Children transitioning to a new church work, need to be bathed in prayer, love and attention. I recall a sweet older gentleman impacting my child’s life. This man found him right where he was and respectfully treated him like the amazing kid he is. God knew and I believe sent him as an answered prayer. Preacher’s kids already have it difficult under watchful eyes. Being that loving member of the church is awesome! It does not take away the nitpicking or naysayers, but it definitely drowns them out. Disabilities or struggles as a pastor’s kid can lead to nasty cruel comments under critical eyes. Love on those pastors’ kids. It can be hard.
- Call her to go for coffee.
- Life is busy. A coffee makes us slow down and enjoy. Why not with amazing company, your pastor’s wife? Simple and effective.
- Be her first defense.
- Again, critical eyes exist. Most of the underlying comments pastor’s wives dismiss, but they still exist. On an already difficult day, the devil almost always sends a “Negative Nancy Messenger” to put in their two cents. Stand up when you hear criticism about the pastor’s wife and/or her family. Be her reliable defense. It shuts that critical spirit down quick in the house of the Lord. We need more of that in our churches today.
- Send her a card.
- Who doesn’t love mail? A great way to encourage your pastor’s wife is to send a card, how thoughtful! Be a blessing.
- Write her encouraging notes.
- Your pastor’s wife has many tasks, sometimes multiple trips to the church through the week. The most simple, yet meaningful thing you can do is just leave her a note. A great way to say I’m thinking of you, or you are special.
- Communicate Positive Things
- Limited on time or just looking for something quickly; just say something pleasant. Perhaps how the Lord used something in your reading, praying or during a lesson or sermon to encourage you this week. Or something that went well during the service. Positive feedback always encourages everyone in the church body!
- Bring her a special treat.
- I will admit, I love this. It can be so simple and yet it is so sweet! On a hurried Sunday morning when it seemed to be one of “those” mornings, I arrive to a plate of my very favorite muffins. YUM! An amazing surprise and so meaningful of a sweet sister blessing her pastor’s wife, me! I was so thankful and honored she thought of me! One of my pastor’s wives loved coke with no ice from McD’s, we loved to bring her one now and then to random events or services just to see her smile or cheer her day!
- Keep her with her own family as much as possible on Sunday.
- Everyone enjoys sitting with their family on Sunday, especially a mother and her children. However, if your church is anything like ours, we love to have a nursery always available for families on Sundays. A church that gives single moms, overworked and tired moms refuge. We all know, the first one to volunteer is almost always the pastor’s wife. I especially love when we visit a church, which is exceptionally rare. I love to see the loyal supporters of the pastor and his wife. You can tell, because if there is something the pastor and/or his wife need to finish up before the services or address right after service; they are the first to jump in. Being sincere to accommodate just as if they filled the roll for the day. It’s awesome! Sometimes two singles, but most of the time it is a couple mature in their faith just slightly older than the pastor and his wife. Members whom have brought guests or family members to church enjoy when their visitors are loved on extra. Pastor’s wives love that and are excited too. But to be honest, sometimes there are family or children things to attend to immediately after the services. It is a blessing when faithful folks step in as needed just because they are awesome and know the pastor and/or his wife are busy at the moment. I love those that go above and beyond to help make our church thrive!
- Participate in church.
- Nothing says being helpful more than just being there. Doing what we should be doing, participating where there is opportunity. Many have heard of low maintenance friends, there is a joy in seeing each other. I believe the same on the low maintenance church members, they’re a blessing to see! Truth be told, they tend to get the least of our time, but we are often so grateful for them and wish we had more time together.
- Let her serve in ministries she desires.
- Each church is different. Some churches have a pile of ministry and serving opportunities. Pastor may oversee them, but rarely partakes in everything. Why do we expect the pastor’s wife to do them all? I love that God made us in His image AND that He had the plan constructed long before we could mess it up. Each of us has things that are near and dear to our heart, why burden someone with everything? Let us just allow them, or the pastor’s wife, to invest themselves into what is dear to their heart.
- Check in or Offer to help.
- What a blessing it is to see people want to serve! As a pastor’s wife, I love watching God work in someone’s life! To be a blessing to your pastor’s wife, check in. Let her know how or what God is doing in your life, family and/or ministry area. Perhaps offer to pick up a few more tasks at the church, a Sunday school class, Nursery, etc. to be more active in the church and the ministry areas of the church.
- Offer to babysit.
- What a blessing, to those that think of the pastor and his family away from church. Very rarely do pastor’s families get a “break” in ministry. Offering to babysit can be a blessing. Even if not asked, offering to just stop on a certain day each month is a blessing. One pastor’s wife said she was blessed when a member of the church just offered to stop one hour daily and read with one of her children. (She was homeschooling several) this gave her a break to teach the others and gave the younger student extra read aloud practice. What a joy to have a support like that out of the church family. Like extended family. I love this kind of church family. Honestly, it is not every church though. **I do want to add here, do not be offended if they tell you no.** Some pastor’s and their families set boundaries across the board so they do not feel like they are playing “favorites” within their church. This is common in small church settings. However, it never hurts to ask.
- Be present and faithful.
- Just your presence and faithfulness is a blessing. Members being and doing what they are supposed to do, speaks volumes in a church.
- Leave church business at church.
- Getting together with sweet sisters outside of church is such a blessing, except when it’s a thousand questions or comments about church. It’s hard to be the pastor’s wife when everyone wants to tell you and not the pastor their thoughts and opinions. Leave the church stuff at church.
- Do not gossip with her or about her.
- One thing you may or may not know is that your pastor’s wife LOVES YOU! No matter how you have treated her, how long you have been coming or your status with her, she loves you and has probably already spent hours praying for you! Being lied about, lied to, or gossiped about cuts deep. Yet, she still prays for you and loves you! Any name you have spoken to her about, she has probably prayed about as well. Often I tell ladies this, but when they ask me to pray for people or share burdens about others, I pray for them right away. (Due to my bad memory) I do not have to know everything, God already does. Someone she has never met has been lifted in prayer perhaps a several dozen times before they get the pleasure, if ever to meet them. Respect. Do her, and yourself a favor- either do not start or stop gossiping about her and to her.
- Cook for her.
- Grab that amazing casserole and bring dinner! She will be so thankful, grateful and feel blessed! A note, one lady brought a birthday cake and a tub of ice cream for one of my children because I was just getting out of the hospital, so sweet! I cried! It was another day away, but I was so worried I would not be able to make a special cake for a small company of celebrations and she thought ahead for me. It was such a blessing! Anytime you think of her just because, matters!
- Remember Special Dates.
- Birthdays, Anniversaries, special dates are keys of the heart. Do not forget even deaths. This is sad, but true in the healing process. Nobody likes to face huge trials, but an outpouring of love helps the heart to heal. Loving your pastor, pastor’s wife and their family will help them better serve you and their people.
- Just be YOU around her.
- Just be you! Simple, real and a blessing. Your pastor’s wife is able to truly get to know you, know what and how to pray for you and can feel like she can be herself around you, when you just be you!
These were just a few that I have been blessed and had the privileged to bless another pastor’s wife. What an honor it is to serve the Lord together! A pastor’s wife is a beautiful title to carry, but remember it was not a chosen “profession”. Many times the expectations pastor’s wives bare are unbelievable. As one young preacher candidate stated, “My wife is not in application here, I am the man you inquired to hire.” Sadly, the list of requirements can be intoxicating. Just be a blessing, if she serves the church; Praise God! If she fiercely walks the walk and talks the talk; watch out, God will deal with you! Just kidding, well sort of. Seriously, most pastor’s wives I have had the privilege to meet are AMAZING women and will be an asset to your church!
Happy Monday, Have a great week full of the Lord’s blessings!